Perhaps one of the most helpful things I read about parenting was talking about how there are just so many different phases with kids as they grow up. A parent that sucks at the newborn phase might be great with a toddler. All parents have strengths and they’re bound to find some phases easier than others. So if this phase is hard, one you’re better at might be just around the corner.
That said, I don’t know that I’ve found any one phase so far more or less difficult than the others. They all offer challenges and rewards mixed in.
It can be hard to adapt. I finally figure out how to best deal with the challenges of one phase before we’re on to the next. Recently, I’ve come to this realization that it’s time to figure out how to deal with a new phase.
My problem lately has just been trying to keep B busy. I’m home pretty much all the time with him, but I work from home too which makes it even more challenging. Sometimes I really just want to focus on the things that I need to get done.
There are so many cool things about where he’s at developmentally right now. He is so curious. He spends lots of time trying to figure things out. I’m seeing real signs that he’s starting to understand some of the things that I say. He’s way more interactive and fun than a newborn. He’s learning to stack blocks and push toy cars around the house.
He also still sticks everything he can in his mouth. He is happy to sit and play with a toy. For a while. As long as he knows somebody is nearby watching him. And that the somebody is not focusing on something else that they want to do.
He doesn’t want to go too long without my attention. Once I quit whatever I’m doing and go sit on the floor to play with him, it only takes a minute or two before he gets distracted and crawls off to play with something else leaving me abandoned sitting on the floor holding a picture book about dancing dinosaurs. They are very cute dinosaurs.
There are some times when I really wish I could find something just to entertain him for a bit so I could do some stuff. There are also a lot of times where I really want to find fun activities for us to do together. It can just be really hard to gauge what is right for his abilities.
The activities that I remember from childhood all happened when I was older – riding bikes, making troll houses, going down the slide, playing make believe, trying cooking experiments, drawing, etc. None of us remember our baby/toddler years making it that much harder to figure out what the heck one is supposed to do with a baby or toddler. This is made harder for those of us that didn’t have younger siblings or ever spend a lot of time with kids that age.
Another aspect of the challenge is just that it’s so constant. B needs something to be doing all the time. It’s not that I try to provide him with too much stimulation or entertainment. We don’t watch TV and I believe in the power of boredom to inspire creativity. But a child that age needs a little guidance with the creativity aspect. He can’t go find his own cardboard box. I have to provide it to him. Once he’s played with the box for five or ten minutes, he’s ready for something else. It’s not hard to keep him busy for a while, but when it’s an all day every day job, it’s easy to run out of things to do.
I also need a bit of mental stimulation. There are only so many times that I can read the same books. There is only so much fun that I can get out of building block buildings- a fortress for Octavia the Octopus, a course for the golf ball to roll down, a bridge for the blue blocks to flow under. . . I need things that entertain me too sometimes.
Part of it is just that it’s hard to come up with things on the spot. If I had a quiet fifteen minutes to myself, I could probably come up with some good activities. But when he’s tugging on my pants making those high-pitched groan noises to get my attention, my mind goes blank.
I want to interact with him. I want to create an environment for him where he has things to explore and to do. I want him to have new things to check out and learn about. I want to create the opportunity for him to exercise his incredible curiosity.
So none of this is to complain (OK, maybe just a little tiny bit of it is to vent a little). Really, it’s for me to identify the challenges and then find solutions. I figure I have the opportunity to rise to the occasion. I want to try new things, find books and websites for inspiration, do my own experiments and see what I can find that B likes.
I also want to work on my planning skills (or just implement the planning skills I already have). I need to pre-plan some of my activities so that I have something ready when I need something to do with him and I feel tired and dazed. I need to work a little harder on having pre-defined goals for each day. It’s so easy for the whole day to slip by when I’m just reacting to everything that is happening. It’s easy to slip into survival mode and just focus on making it until B’s bedtime.
I feel optimistic. I think problems are always so much easier when we take the time to identify what we’re really struggling with and then think about how to fix the problem. It seems like a simple process, but it’s so effective.
As I try out some different activities, I have plans to post about some of them. (When I found out I was pregnant, I swore I wouldn’t have a mommy blog. But then again, when I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t have a one year old! My blog will still feature lots of random topics because I have way too many interests to focus on a narrow area.)
If you’ve made it through the baby/toddler years, feel free to leave comments with suggestions on cool stuff to do with a 1 year-old. I could use all the ideas I can get my hands on.
2 Responses
Speaking as a long ago, work-at-home mom of a toddler who needed time on her own to get work done — make time for super active play. Running, roughhousing (gentle, of course), clapping games, bouncing games, singing-dancing games (do you remember Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes?), and so on. Those weren’t the instinctive games for me — I was far more likely to want to read a book. But twenty minutes of tag or busy play was far more likely to get me solid chunks of solo time than any amount of time reading books or playing trains. It was a tough stage, definitely. But I tried to remember that my goal was actually to tire him out — a slow walk where he was walking was better than a fast walk with him in a stroller, half an hour on a playground was worth more than an hour playing quietly with toys, etc. And I feel like it sounds horrible of me to say that I was trying to tire him out, but I absolutely was. The other thing I started pretty early was to set a timer for when I was at the computer, short times when he was little, ten minutes, to let him know that he could watch the timer and wait for it to ring and then I would play with him. He was older than one, but probably not a lot older.
That is such a helpful perspective. Reading it, it seems like it should be obvious, but I had honestly never thought about it in terms of trying to tire him out. That is definitely going to change the way I look at some of our activities.
I don’t think he’d yet grasp the timer concept, but I am going to file that away in my brain to dig back up when he’s a little older.
I have learned that a walk with him in the stroller is likely to mean that he will take a snooze while I get worn out and then he will be all ready to play when we get home.